雅事俗聊—-秋日

 

賣身換酒在琴里貼的詩<秋日>,极愛。譯作中,覺北島最好,詩人,節奏韵味拿捏得美。雖珠玉在前,忍不住手痒,試譯的身是客版:

秋日

主啊,秋來了,夏日如此悠長。
投您的影在日晷,
讓風撫遍原野。

再恩賜幾天,南方煦曖的天氣,
好丰盈最后的果實。
催熟它們,把
最后的甜蜜釀進稠醪。

誰此時尚無居所,將無心再造;   
誰此刻孑然一身,會長久孤獨,
會無眠,讀書、寫長長的信,
來來回回,在林阴道上
不停踱步,當落葉紛飛時。

冷汗直標:

1. 以M. D. Herter Norton
1938年译文為版本,覺得語氣古雅點。

2. 最大的不明是,所有的翻譯家將“it is
time”直譯“是時候了”,我覺得這個地方不好直譯要意譯,而我領會的是“悠長的夏日終於過去了,秋終於來了”。不相信權威,以大無畏精神出丑罢了。

3.
第二段也是大膽採用了第二句前置,為求通順,不知是否破坏了詩味,不是詩人就不懂這個了。

4. “give them another two more southerly
days,”我覺得譯泛指的“幾天”比實譯“二天”好,也是所有譯本都譯成“二天”,真郁悶啊!是不是我理解很有問題?

5.
好像沒看見人家用:“撫”、“稠醪”,沒人表揚,暗自得意一下。竊以為“heavy
”用“稠”比“烈”更譯過來的感覺。

6.
這么多版本在前,雖參考得開心,很不好的一點是想了半天,自以為譯出的佳句好詞,發現人家早用了,:(,氣餒;照寫,又似抄襲,慘!

——————————————

M. D. Herter Norton 1938年译文:
      Autumn Day
    
      Lord, it is time. The summer was very big.
      Lay thy shadow on the sundials,
      and on the meadows let the winds go loose.
    
      Command the last fruits that they shall be
full;
      give them another two more southerly days,
      urge them on to fulfillment and drive
      the last sweetness into heavy wine.
    
      Who has no house now, will build him one no
more.
      Who is alone now, long will so remain,
      will wake, read, write long letters
      and will in the avenues to and fro
      restlessly wander, when the leaves are
blowing.
    
      J.B.Leishman英译:
      Fall Day
    
      Lord, it is time. This was a very big
summer.
      Lay your shadows over the sundial,
      and let the winds loose on the fields.
    
      Command the last fruits to be full;
      give them two more sunny days,
      urge them on to fulfillment and throw
      the last sweetness into the heavy wine.
    
      Who has no house now, will never build one.
      Whoever is alone now, will long remain so,
      Will watch, read, write long letters
      and will wander in the streets, here and
there
      restlessly, when the leaves blow.

   Herbsttag
  
    Herr, es ist Zeit. Der Sommer war sehr groß.
    Leg deinen Schatten auf die Sonnenuhren,
    und auf den Fluren laß die Winde los.
  
    Befiehl den letzten Früchten, voll zu sein;
    gib ihnen noch zwei südlichere Tage,
    dränge sie zur Vollendung hin, und jage
    die letzte Süße in den schweren Wein.
  
    Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr.
    Wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben,
    wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben
    und wird in den Alleen hin und her
    unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.

2004-10-30

This entry was posted on 星期一, 12月 26th, 2005 at 20:42 and is filed under 未分类. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

 

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